fear of loosing something

I always lose something.

Today early in the morning I discovered that I couldn’t find my bag anywhere. The plan of the day was to drop the kids at daycare and after that take the train directly to Amsterdam. Well, I couldn’t do that without a wallet. So the panicky search started. Where is my wallet? Then the fear set in:  Mama lost her wallet, kids please help me search. Once I managed to get hold of my thoughts, I noticed what my thoughts were telling me: I will never make it to Amsterdam, I will have to block all my cards as soon as possible because the thief will use them to buy tickets to the Bahama’s without me. I am such a loser, I always lose something. So there I was thinking these panicky thoughts and then suddenly I became aware of them. And then I asked myself, what is my problem right now, at this very moment? And the answer was nothing. Right now I just have to bring the kids to daycare. Worrying and dealing about the bag lies in the future. I told myself that after daycare I will cycle home and start over.

So for 30 minutes I did my best to let go of the fears that came with losing a wallet and I focused on my kids. I focused on making sure that they were ok, and that I could cycle them safely to daycare. So I did and while biking I talked with my elder son about losing a wallet. We spoke about how I was slightly scared that I might have really lost it and that my wallet might be inside the house somewhere. He understood my pain, and said he will look everywhere on the floor, because maybe yesterday I dropped it on the floor. So sweet! So there we were and every minute I felt myself getting calmer. After I dropping them at daycare, I told myself while cycling that I will call all the cafe’s I visited yesterday to see whether they have found a bag, before I start blocking all my cards. The second cafe I called a friendly lady answered the phone with good new: Yes! They had found my wallet! Thank goodness!  I was able to coach my startups classes in Amsterdam via Skype and therefore that problem also disappeared. Wow this day just got better and better.

The lesson I learnt from this day was how amazingly powerful it is to be aware of your thoughts. That I am in charge of creating my own drama, comedy, or reality. That if you live in the now, moment by moment, that actually many of the problems we create in our heads disappear, because many fears and worries are all about the future. I was so proud that I could show my kids a good example (if you don’t include losing things almost daily) and that living in the now is hard but so worth a try! So next time you lose something, I would like to challenge you to look in the now, to take a few deep breaths and be aware of your thoughts. What are they telling you, what panic state are they trying to get you in? And try to remember this one thing: I am not my thoughts! I am the one that is aware of my thoughts.

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