I will go crazy

I will go crazy.

Today on this beautiful Saturday morning I feel like crap! Yes these days are quite challenging and being kind to myself is very important but often very hard. Negative thoughts arise and swallow me up more than I want. I observed a fear for being with the kids after the weekend for two full days, thinking I will go crazy. Writing this now makes me feel even more guilty for having these thoughts, but I will write it down because this might help you in some way I hope. Our nanny is on holiday and that means that I will have to look after the kids. And then I hear myself think, ‘I won’t survive this. I won’t be able to work and finish things that I have to finish. Why me? Why not Georg’?  Being in a negative mood doesn’t make it easier because I noticed how this fear came back a number of times throughout the day. So I decided to read a quote by Eckhart Tolle saying, ‘When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation or accept it. All else is madness’. And so I decided to accept the situation, that I will spend two days with the kids and all the work and other stuff can wait. Usually this would be somehow enough but today maybe because of the negative mood it wasn’t enough.

So I had to come up with something else. Something that would allow me to look upon the two coming days positively. So I visualised the day with them, focusing mainly on how I would feel sitting on the couch after these two days. And knowing that I would feel exhausted but so happy to have spend these days with them, building our bond and just having good and some bad times together. I also tried to focus on just being in the now, trying to feel my breath, my body by asking myself ‘How am I feeling today…right now’? I tried answering this question by feeling into my body; my feet, legs, stomach, heart, shoulders, back, neck and my face. Feeling how all these areas feel. If my stomach felt tight, I’d relaxed it. My neck feeling tight, I again tried to relax it. I tried to really be in the moment by using my senses. I observed my kids, played with them, put my phone away and tried to just be. It turned into a pretty nice day, with many challenges to stay in the now. I would really like to encourage you to try.  

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