Tag Archives: children

saying yes more

How saying more YES creates Joy!

Every Thursday I have my Mama Day, and today it was my Thursday with my lovely kids Noam (boy almost 4) and Misha (girl, 2). Although after several hours of being a lovely mindful parent to my lovely kids, the loveliness started to fade and turned into annoying children and annoying mom. You know the moment when you feel the kids are either hungry or tired and they are all over the place while wearing invisible headphones with loud techno music on?

Same goes for me. I start feeling more tired and uncontrollable and my tolerance level goes from 7/8 (on a good day) to let’s be honest 2 maybe 2.5. And today that happened around 11am. You see, while I was having my 1 minute toilet break these two monkeys started taking all the plates from the kitchen cabinet (luckily most of them were plastic) and putting them in the hallway on the floor. As you can imagine, after seeing everything spread all over the floor, my first instinct was to say (or shout), ‘What are you doing??? The plates will get dirty and we have to clean all of them! Why didn’t you ask me if this was ok’!

 Luckily, before the fear voice broke her silence I caught myself and asked, ‘So what’s the problem here? Aren’t they just being super creative’? So, I managed to twist the fear into an opportunity to create a Kitchen game. I took away the few breakable items they took and the game started. Both of them wore a Chef’s hat that we created by putting a diaper on their heads and towels all around; turning the two lovely monkeys into incredible creative and funny looking chefs. We played our chef game for an hour and the restaurant guest (me), who was extremely hungry and just wanted to have all the meals possible, would overeat but then suddenly get hungry again…and again…and again. It was really fun! 

When I look back on this moment, I realise how often I say NO to Yes moments. In saying NO I’m not only disconnecting with my kids, because a No is never nice to say, but equally important I’m missing out on a spontaneous and creative moment with my kids.

Especially when a person is tired or hungry it is so easy to go into automatic pilot, and I realized that often when I am on this automatic pilot, a NO is just an automatic reaction. I don’t have to think much or do anything complex if the answer is NO. But actually, a NO is doing the opposite, because you spend time explaining to your kids why you said NO. You have to deal with opposition from you kids, and eventually, deep down inside you are not being particularly proud of all the NO’s you throw out there because let’s face it, it’s not really something that brings your kids closer to you. I also believe that this does not only apply to kids. This definitely applies to many areas and relationships. It applies to all people in general. 

I would like to encourage you to pay attention to your NO’s, and see whether you can become more mindful when you throw them out there, does it really have to be a NO or can you use the NO-situation to create a fun and creative activity?

time for myself

I am a bad mom if I don’t spend the entire weekend with my kids.

Today I really needed time for myself. It’s Sunday our weekend day, but my body is screaming give me a fucking break! I feel so heavy, physically and mentally heavy. So here is my big fear, how do I balance being there for my kids and husband and for myself? And the thoughts that came were, ‘I am a bad mom if I don’t spend the entire weekend with my kids. I want to be there with them, we don’t have that much time anyway. I can have another day off’. A year ago I wouldn’t even have considered that I had a choice, I would just be there with my husband and kids. Today, I see that I do have a choice, and it does come along with a fear of being a bad mom, of letting (maybe) my kids and my husband down when choosing myself.

So I asked my husband for a morning off. I asked whether I could just be with myself and he would take the kids. And he said of course (I have to add that he is leaving on Wednesday for a mountain bike trip for a week in Italy, so I guess that here was some wiggle room). However, it wasn’t that simple? While I am having this wonderful morning off where I meditate and write, I also started to wonder why do I need it now? And the answer came quite quickly; I’m just about to start my period. My body and mind want to prepare for this. If you would have told me about this cycles and menstruations thing a couple of years ago I would have laughed. I honestly believed that women used it as an excuse, to be chaotic, weird, or bad tempered. But now, I so believe that our bodies are telling us so much! And we just have to listen and act accordingly. My body told me, ‘I am really done with your active lifestyle, of you running around and taking care of others. I want you to be with me’.

And so I did. I meditated this morning for 30 minutes on a wonderful guided meditation on menstrual cycles, from Nic and Sam via Insight Timer. I am learning so much about my cycles, my moods, behaviours and my body cravings. Right now I am in the sorcerer cycles, pre menstruation, and this one is dark! And yes that’s how I feel! It is also erotic and sensual, also how I feel if I listen to it. Which I didn’t before. I actually really feel like having sex or orgasm. So I guess I have to act accordingly again, and surprise my husband.  I took action and listened to my body. I have given my husband quality time with the kids, time for them to connect and to create memories with the three of them. So with every fear comes a gift you give to yourself and others, a gift that you might have never thought of, but one that is surely there for you to be aware of!