Tag Archives: Parenting

My son will be so unhappy!

I caught myself today in a long dialogue with myself in my head. Two voices were the main characters: one called ‘Guilty’ and the other one ‘Give me a break’. And they were discussing the topic of my son Noam going to his grandma’s in Switzerland for 7 nights. Both my husband and I have fears about the trip. It’s a long time for him to be away from home. My Guilty voice fears that, ‘This will cause Noam to have attachment issues forever as you are abandoning him and he will hate you forever, you bad mom’. Then the ‘Give me a break’ voice answers back by saying, ‘He will have a great time at grandma’s, dont listen to this crazio! And what about ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’? Followed quickly by Guilty, So you want to traumatize your son so much that it will nearly kill him? How dare you, bad bad mom’! Good thing I caught this one before it got too far along because potentially it would make me feel bad for days, maybe weeks. So I thought about it and the important lesson Eckhart Tolle voiced, ‘You have no idea what the future looks like, so stop worrying’. It makes sense right? I can of course worry about whether my son will have an awful time at grandma’s and miss us so much that he will be completely traumatised, but will this really happen? Will it?  To be honest, I have no idea. It could happen but I have no control over it. So why am I worrying about it? Once I understood this I had two choices: I could either cancel the trip or prepare my son for the trip as much as possible. I decided to push Guilty to the side and prepare my son for this trip by explaining to him that it will be 7 nights, we can even make a small calendar so he will feel more empowered. I will also record some bedtime stories, so his grandma can play them and he will have my voice in the evening hopefully making him feel a bit closer to home. And yes…this also makes me feel much better! So Guilty…park it! Masha is driving this bus pretty damn well.

So, whenever you hear the guilty voice in your head, try to make a choice: accept it or take action…or both! This will give you a chance to not let yourself be controlled by negative thoughts and take action.

time for myself

I am a bad mom if I don’t spend the entire weekend with my kids.

Today I really needed time for myself. It’s Sunday our weekend day, but my body is screaming give me a fucking break! I feel so heavy, physically and mentally heavy. So here is my big fear, how do I balance being there for my kids and husband and for myself? And the thoughts that came were, ‘I am a bad mom if I don’t spend the entire weekend with my kids. I want to be there with them, we don’t have that much time anyway. I can have another day off’. A year ago I wouldn’t even have considered that I had a choice, I would just be there with my husband and kids. Today, I see that I do have a choice, and it does come along with a fear of being a bad mom, of letting (maybe) my kids and my husband down when choosing myself.

So I asked my husband for a morning off. I asked whether I could just be with myself and he would take the kids. And he said of course (I have to add that he is leaving on Wednesday for a mountain bike trip for a week in Italy, so I guess that here was some wiggle room). However, it wasn’t that simple? While I am having this wonderful morning off where I meditate and write, I also started to wonder why do I need it now? And the answer came quite quickly; I’m just about to start my period. My body and mind want to prepare for this. If you would have told me about this cycles and menstruations thing a couple of years ago I would have laughed. I honestly believed that women used it as an excuse, to be chaotic, weird, or bad tempered. But now, I so believe that our bodies are telling us so much! And we just have to listen and act accordingly. My body told me, ‘I am really done with your active lifestyle, of you running around and taking care of others. I want you to be with me’.

And so I did. I meditated this morning for 30 minutes on a wonderful guided meditation on menstrual cycles, from Nic and Sam via Insight Timer. I am learning so much about my cycles, my moods, behaviours and my body cravings. Right now I am in the sorcerer cycles, pre menstruation, and this one is dark! And yes that’s how I feel! It is also erotic and sensual, also how I feel if I listen to it. Which I didn’t before. I actually really feel like having sex or orgasm. So I guess I have to act accordingly again, and surprise my husband.  I took action and listened to my body. I have given my husband quality time with the kids, time for them to connect and to create memories with the three of them. So with every fear comes a gift you give to yourself and others, a gift that you might have never thought of, but one that is surely there for you to be aware of!